Renata was my first serodiscordant relationship
I decided, after some time of contemplation and dialogues with Mara, to report "cases" of Sorodiscordant Relationships. Well, I can not invent stories, let alone tell real names, in the midst of such a delicate subject. And I do here an act of contrition
And often devastating No. world in which we, people living with HIV or AIDS "live".
I thought for days and for days. I always thought I could only, to begin with, talk about me.
And, at the end of each of these my stories and not stories, leave a form and the invitation to the esteemed bed
And the charming reader to be made manifest or manifest, anonymously, considering that if you sign Isabel, I will change to Isa, Belita, Bel ...
I decided to start with my first serodivergent relationship, and she was the one who took me to: Serological Reagent Status.
Renata A. de Ol.
It will never be even the possible fake name that you try to put on, since this name may be someone else's and could, misfortune among misfortunes, be a story similar to someone else's.
Well, yesterday I was talking to Mara and a song, "In the Shadow of Evil", and I remembered every detail, every look, every movement within what became a torrid romance, full of jealousy from part of me , lead changed (does not hurt, in thesis) and that ended, about six months after I said, and thank God I do not remember which, a sentence so stupid, offensive and disastrous that she, still Renata, " asked for time. "
This request for a time was almost like a gesture of mercy,
So that she allowed me to go on reasoning that, as Toninho taught me:
"Lovers want to be together."
Her mercy was of no avail.
And it was not worth anything because I did not love her. The Bonfire of Vanities
I liked her
It was fascination ...
... yes, but it was also love and a lot of vanity! Like ...: Look at the woman "I have" (hua, hua, hua - rindo me)
Only one or a switcher knows how much it costs to find a perfect match.
Renata is, absolutely certain, among the "ten most beautiful women I've had"
AND…. I know many people have certainly not been with 5 women in a lifetime. I am grateful to them and to God.
Well, I wanted to tell you that I worked at the Paris Club, which at the time had even rooms, and that called the place a place for pimping.
Victim of me
Do not think I'm not ashamed of it. Yes, I'm ashamed.
And at the time, concerned about my legal situation, I spoke with one delegate:
The chief delegate of the Area Sectional and he explained to me that I would be placed in the position of victim.
Suffice it to say that I was forced to work there (in truth this has a real background) I could not do anything else.
The owner of the house, Profetra name, liked my work, liked the work I did in the house resonance.
Even though he liked it, I made him spend a hell of a lot of money on that and, like, the owner of another house.
He gave me money so I could buy all the little toys I wanted for MAKE SOUND WITH VINYL BECAUSE DJ THAT PLAYS CD IS, FOR ME, DJ DE QUERMESSE.
And I do not even call the guy for a dispute in two SL 1200 MK2.
I give him two CCE's BD200 and then yes I will see that it is the guy, because I only know one more FACE to work for in wards her.
Well, the faces of the quermesses who burn with hatred for me and Pick a number.
The fact is that I gained his trust, the Biblical.
And I ended up with the responsibility to maintain and re-install the sound systems of all his "houses" and I only had to play in the Club from Thursday to Saturday ...
And it was on the eve of a Thursday that I, after leaving the Republic Station of the Subway,
I was cowardly attacked by St. Peter, who caused the rain that had fallen one day in the episode of the Great Flood to collapse in half an hour. I had no choice.
I ran like a desperate man and walked into the club completely drenched.
And that's when I realized that, WOW, that mine was there.
I asked her to apologize for the explosion.
- "I've seen worse" ....
"Will you work here?"
"If the owner agrees."
I hoped he would not accept it, but it was impossible for him not to "hire".
The truth is, because of a particular demon I had, none of my personal reminiscences, because everything was burned ...
One day you will know.
Well, what I knew when I saw her in the room was that she was dead.
Something almost impossible to define, until my friend, Nippo Cicken, defined her as, prettier than Pocahontas.
The exchanges of glances, the smiles.
The supper at five o'clock tomorrow at Martins Fontes another night, Maldito Santo Fabiano, her trip to another city ...
And the "FANTASTIC":
I kept it for her.
And I stayed a week without connecting with anyone for a week.
Thirty-year-old men with a busy sex life know what "it gives".
This results in swollen, painful gonads in a way that makes it hard to even walk, and there comes a time when you have to "fix the situation," even if it is for yourself.
But I did not get to that; but it would have arrived on that night, or I would melt and become an amorphous thing, to the ground, made up of sperm, which is nothing but water and vitamin E for the most sensitive
The same Sunday we entered a hotel room at six in the morning and only left there, with dark circles and sneakers, on Monday, around the eighteen ...
And I fell in love.
Wise is the saying that teaches:
"Pica love, where it hits."
What eyes do not come, it is said in the night, the heart does not feel.
And that's why I hoped the Prophet would not hire her, for I would see.
And my friend Toninho knows that I've never been able to relate to a woman of the night.
Not like this, living like a woman of the night for more than a week.
Generally what happened was that I pressed the girl and said,
"Come live with me! Be ___My Woman ___! No ?! Goodbye ... and usually I won the parade
Flavia did not accept that. And I gave the points
I had plans, I dreamed of a future that I could not give and that she would not give up on these dreams (she was nineteen and the stupid one here could not see that irony enters the ironies, the "Junior" was right:
"Not for you, not for anyone, I get rid of my plans!" ....
I decided to start with my first serodivergent relationship, and she was the one who took me to the Serological Reagent Status for Antibodies to HIV.
Renata A. de Ol.
And I accepted that. And this was my downfall
Each time she went down the stairs it was as if I climbed the scaffold and I climbed the scaffold well over a hundred timess until we were discovered.
And this is where I wanted to go.
I spent the last almost 25 years saying and believing that she, Flavia, had given me HIV on purpose.
But if that was so, when Joshua, who did not even let me in, asked for the bunch of keys.
That my friend Toninho said that the key ring was a demonstration of strength.
And he paid me all the rights (he could have given me a just cause) and, in fact, he paid three to four times more than I deserved and, wise, he also gave everything Flavia had to receive broadly and frankly from more).
And she fainted there.
And I had to take her to Santa Casa.
And from there, crazy, we stayed at the Hotel Nova Lisboa. I believe in Veridiana street until the money runs out and, I say to you.
I went through something that I believe can be defined as spastic exhaustion, was I could not ejaculate.
Simply because there was no need to ejaculate and this it hurt bales.
What came next was that she went to work in a house full of people who hated me and I never knew.
And, I believe, I'll never know, what they told her and she went on to find a way to make me go wrong, and I missed
I said something stupid, like I said I did in the beginning ...
I stayed from hard heart until you meet someone else, but that's another story.
It was not on purpose that she transmitted me HIV ...
For, in my madness and despair, I created a situation that would bring her to the street and as soon as she realized it was.
I, I turned the back of the white river avenue, where the buses buzzed past ...
I was going to cross the avenue without looking.
I would have been run over there and not even know what would have taken me, but she held me.
This is not the attitude of someone, who, for example, on a sad night at the Paris Club, where there would be a bachelor party and she was "the present."
And she came to the sound booth and told me. You know that video tape K7 (I think a lot of people will not even know what this is) that you have six hours of video and music?
Yeah. Put her to play, sit down (the bench was low) and do not stand up under any pretext. Do not look at the salon!
Well, this is not the attitude of a woman who, let's say, hated or hated the world so much that she was experiencing HIV.
ahead for world hatred
All I know is that I know little or nothing, for I could never, for N reasons, enter La Concorde, and know what had been there.
So, Flavia, I hope I have redeemed your name and, wherever you may be, accept my pardon, for setting fire to the fire of the moral fire in which I threw you before other people, in which I gave rise to so many other things.
Yes Flavia, I I do not know anymore, forgive me, I beg you.
You infected me with HIV. But you also did not know that.
Curiously Unfortunately I survived and you did not.
I have taken away from my mind everything that could harm you and, I am sure, people who have read or read what I have said about you will be brought to this page with a click. (It's My Obligation)
If I could come to you now, it would be to kneel down before you and hope that you could extend the right hand and lift my head so that I could look at you again, after so much dissension.
Flávia Renata de A. de O. (Perhaps in memorian)
Anyway, "Re Born" 😉, perhaps there was hope for a dialogue and that you could ask, in that Court.
So feared for me, just for not making deals, not for forgiveness.
But out of leniency.
I loved her too much and this was all my mistake. To love too much, not knowing how to love, having forgotten everything that Gabi taught me.
Maybe I loved Gabi even more
After this little I said, because of my hand so beaten by peripheral neuropathy with more than one thousand seven hundred words e almost three hours of typing I finely say goodbye to you and I ask you to let me go, away from a false phantom, a ghost I created for myself, within my own Hell, you all know, is self-generating, just as it is that of people who do not trust their tests - not reagents - and that will never end.