This line of work on Whats' App will be extinguished
It may not be HIV. It may just be your body adding up due to anguish and stress due to fear of being infected.So I begin my story, dear readers, but before explaining about psychosomatization, I need to go back in the timeline and narrate everything that happened to me. I am not very good with texts, so if there is any flaw in agreement or other “instances” ignore, the important thing is what I will report. My story starts on October 15th, on October 15th I went on a business trip, after having done everything I had to do in that city, before returning to the hotel I decided to go to a bar to have a beer, I must have taken about 5 long necks, while drinking at the bar I noticed that a girl was watching me, as I am married I ended up not winding up.
Drunk, stuck, have an erection? (…)After having taken about 5 and already being over Baghdad (I'm not a drinker, any two cans already leave me upset) I decided to return to the hotel. When I get to the parking lot I realize that the same girl who had observed me had followed me to the car and to make the text shorter, we had sex right there, we had protected sex, or almost protected sex, the passive and active oral were made without a condom. The next day, conscience was heavy for having betrayed my wife, even more because she was pregnant.
The weight in Consciousness and the “Spilled Milk.”
But I got in the car and returned to my city, life that goes on, there's no use crying over spilled milk (literally)….Returning to my city about two weeks after that night, exercising, I ended up with 3 hernias in the cervical, I got really bad, I had to take corticosteroids, my last steroid injection was on December 22, 2 weeks later gave candidiasis in the mouth!
Searches on Google and Your Results
I CLÁUDIO SOUZA, I cannot hold Google responsible. Google believes it offers the best based on its algorithms. But they are "just algorithms" and do not make value judgments! If they did… ..
I went to research on treatment and one of Google's searches it was written there:
Candidiasis can appear in the acute phase of HIV, at the same time I did not give much importance, I started doing the treatment on my own (fluconazole + oral nystatin) indicated by the pharmacist, he said:Rest assured that in a week it will pass, it was because of the injections you took! After a week, nothing of it healed, declined considerably, but right at the bottom of the tongue it remained a little. I remembered that oral sex, the Google search talking about HIV and that's it, panic installed and sure, I'm HIV positive. I started to panic, Jesus, would I have contracted HIV and still passed it on to my wife who is pregnant ?! (Cláudio Speaking: Why is it that everyone, even me, remembers Jesus at the time of suffocation?) I started to develop panic syndrome, OCD and other psychiatric illnesses, within a month I started to feel all the symptoms of the phase acute (except fever), but I felt hot and my temperature was always 37 °. (…). Tormented and with the certainty that had HIV I appointed an infectious disease specialist, and when he got the infection, he passed me all the necessary tests: HIV1 and 2, blood count, glucose, cholesterol, in short, there were so many tests that I don't even remember anymore.
I did the fourth generation HIV1 and 2, in the best laboratory in the city, result: negative.I returned to the infectologist and he reassured me, calm, you don't have HIV, if you had this exam you would have already identified it, you performed it with a window higher than the recommended one, your problem is psychiatric, go urgently to a psychiatrist and a psychologist that they will help you, what you are having is somatization, you have been reading a lot Google, right? I, Cláudio Souza, have just remembered an authentic anecdote. At the entrance to an Italian doctor's office, something is written that goes something like this: And there is an interesting parallel. I worked for four months in a company and I took care, together with a friend, of the maintenance of computers brought by customers. I will not go into the sordid details of this work. But there is an interesting observation from my fellow "laboratory".
IT'S LIKE THAT! 🙂 🙂 🙂 And dealing with HIV, AIDS, IMMUNOLOGICAL WINDOW IS VERY SERIOUS AND, IN GENERAL LINES, SELF-MEDICATION IS THE WAY THAT CAN LEAD TO DISASTER! I left there devastated, thinking What an infectious shit was that who was ignoring everything I felt and telling me to go to a psychiatrist. (The worst psychiatric patient is exactly the one who says he is not needed. Not at all. Desperately Needed !!!!!!!!!) Because I ended up doing what he said, I started the treatment and about 1 week after starting the medication the symptoms started to disappear, but the certainty was still planted in my head, I had HIV! At 4 months and still sure of being HIV positive, I couldn't stand it and I had to tell my wife, - Claudio speaking: One of the most beautiful gestures of dignity I've ever seen and, so far, unprecedented for me --– to go along do all the necessary exams, I got slaps in the face (deserved - CSouza: I agree) but come on, my paranoia reached so much, that I saw symptoms in my wife and my 10 year old son, I thought about killing myself a few hundred times. After the 4 months my wife and I went to CAT, we did a quick test and result:
He told me, referring to customers who arrived with a computer and a diagnosis:
-"And the video card".
And he said to me, it's like I arrive at the doctor's office and say to the doctor:
"I have cancer doctor".
We laugh a lot, but when it comes to a computer, it is easy to solve the problem, although it is often difficult to explain that "That is the chipset and that the cost of a repair with BGA is very expensive and that the cost of the equipment does not allow the commercial viability of the work and, therefore, we will have to change the motherboard" .... - The answer to that is usually something for which there is no interjection, but think of yourself trying to explain something inherent in your profession in front of "a layman" and the disturbed and disturbing expression of astonishment and surprise!
Do not react!But my head was so obsessive and the symptoms were so real that I didn't believe it, I looked at outdated sites talking in windows of 6 months, 9 months, when I got anguished more and more, that's when in one of these searches I found this blog, of which today I can call my friend, Cláudio Souza, it contained all the most up-to-date information about windows and many other things, but I couldn't convince myself.
With 130 days I returned to my infectologist, outraged, in tears, and said:Doctor, it can't be, I have HIV, pass me a more specific exam. I remembered, just now, a case that, for me, was iconic: After taking me to the edge of despair after saying: “I'm going to the Tower."! And I started to wait for the police call, trying to understand my connection in “the thing”, it wouldn't have been the first time 🙁 he ended up saying to me: I HAVE AIDS AND I'LL TEST, I saw that he blocked me and didn't show up until about six months later. When I asked: What's up? Are you convinced? Not! Then I blocked it. And after I decide on something…. Those who know me well know. My decisions are Monolithic ” Let's continue with our psychosomatic friend….! It was then that he said: Son, I will prove to you that you don't have HIV !!! I wouldn't need to pass you this exam, but as I am watching your anguish, to reassure you I will pass an exam called Quantitative PCR, [REMARK BY Cláudio Souza: Inappropriate procedure and it saddens me to see doctors passing by this message] this test is only given to those who wisely have HIV, and if you have it and you don't! You will have more than 4 copies in those 40 months !!
With 135 days I performed the exam, result, not detected !!That gave me relief at the time, but as I was still in a state of obsession for believing I still had HIV, I went back to Google (damn Google) and in one of those researches on PCR I discovered that there is a condition called elite controller, the person has the virus but has an undetectable viral load, ready, panic was installed again, I waited, waited, waited and today with 6 months of possible exposure, I decided to do another HIV test, I needed that, with the current tests , it is impossible for a person not to detect HIV after 6 months, this happened only in the time of Cazuza and Freddie Mercury….
[Certain phrases are meaningless, but…]I went to CAT together with my wife and realized, result, guess what ?! Again, no reagent !!! Today my anguish is over, today I decided to believe in science and get out of the distressing state I was in!
So you my friend, who is going through all that I went through (I know of cases of people who have had 67 exams and still don't believe it), my tip is, get out of this, go live your life, be happy, there are so many people wanting to have the result that you are having exam after exam and you don't have it, and you are bound to stay with this disease for the rest of your life, so accept it and go be happy. For me there is immeasurable learning, and a huge respect for people who have this disease, I believed I had HIV for 6 months, as it was distressing. HIV is not punishment, it is not synonymous with promiscuity, it does not choose class, gender or color. Nobody deserves any disease whatsoever. My message is, do not want to suffer the anguish that I went through:
Today I believe in what the mind is capable of, it has immeasurable power, then search on Google about psychosomatics, there are people who were even blind and who after 6 months of psychoanalysis saw again, if you believe that you are sick, you will sicken.
About my psychiatrist and my professional decision regarding my attendance at the Whas App. Starting, initially, from the fact more exposed and proposed to everyone:
USE A CONDOM !!! IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS, INCLUDING ORALS !!!
I'm not a doctor. What I have to offer are my years of experience, good and bad over almost 1/4 (a quarter) of a century where I even volunteered at CRT-A during the time I lived at Casa De Apoio Brenda Lee. quite difficult to live, but that sheltered me, fed me, somehow gave me hope but for which I ask the Divine Grace of not having to return
My psychiatrist, on the last Monday, March XNUMXth, was invited, by me, based on the well-known implicit treatment of secrecy in the MEDICAL / PATIENT relationship, to “scroll through my contact list, being warned that those without images were, in lines general, from people who, after my usefulness, blocked me. Utility…She was shocked and, taking into account the painfully stressful situation that I am living and experiencing, said, yes, that my decision to close this door, it was well done! I'll handle it at the end of the text As I said, she was shocked. and see, I have been looking at what has and what has no relevance and I have deleted it, after also systematically blocking these people and my psychiatrist saw that I am already entering 2016. Only those who, I know well, will remain become friends! And, I can quote a phrase. One person said to me:
-"Not!!!! None of that !!!!!! We are friends, it's for the rest of our lives ”!
Well, I am blocked, and I know I am, for at least two weeks and without one bye !!!!It is not the first time that she advises me to “wash my hands”. The first time was when I, aware that I could not continue the course of letters at UNIFESP due to the evident risk of life during the return, still had doubts about locking or abandoning enrollment. It was in 2016. I changed the City, my cell phone will be changed and only people who have real contact with me will not be blocked, not as a bag of knowledge and as of today, 20 (twenty) March 2019 (two thousand and nineteen), the work for What's App will be charged, “pro-rata” at a cost of R $ 10,00 per week, with me being available for communications via TEXT between 11:30 and 19:45. Friends, friends. Work, and this is work, is something else Well, maybe you want to read about the London Patient Or Knowing the Story of a person who was loved by me to whom I did not have the courage to say it: My first disaster, my first post-diagnosis emotional tragedy: “Marcia 1996 +”I don't know… About me, Cláudio Souza => The video below speaks a lot to me! https://youtu.be/NNBdJ7crU2M?t=101
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And it was not within a "comfort zone"! This is a story that only I have to tell!
I was the first individual, a CPF, not a CNPJ to, in quotes, “Slap my face”!
For all that I lived, it all happened in a period still troubled by prejudice and, yes, there were prices to be paid.
The currency has always been that of social exclusion and I have even hesitated between continuing or not!
The great “IT” of all this is that without this work, I would have nothing left but leisure and I would certainly not endure it. I have a need to be productive.
We are Borg!
If not bored by the empty hours, at least by suicide due to the absolute lack of purpose that my life would have and the terrible impression of parasitosis that would come to affect me. So, I couldn't stop.
I had the opportunity to accomplish many things and, on the other hand, I missed several opportunities to do more, with a deeper and better reach.
Not everything is as desired. Let it rain (Guilherme Arantes)!
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