The Worst Symptom of HIV is actually prejudice. I start with one detail, my friends (“…”). One of these people, someone I have loved as a father, has shown in many ways, almost verbatim, to be ashamed of my condition.
Overkill? Do not know! But this friend knows a lot of people who might or might not have an interest in my work and, with their social status and purchasing power, give some publicity help.
So this friend of mine, with a thousand devils, claims that entrepreneurs do not like to hear about diseases, because these things, diseases, represent failures! And I say it's a * u ** que-m & - *** iu!
And so, I reiterate:
The Worst Symptom of HIV is Prejudice
Because he kills you slowly, with a smile on his face.
And as bad and painful as that is, no matter how damaging the facts, the The worst symptom of HIV is Prejudice, the damn prejudice, because it inevitably leads to social death!
Thing is, that there are strange little creatures that deny the existence of the facts, is the trivialization of AIDS
And look at the advice and rules of conduct it offers!
However, and yet, nothing is worse than a woman unable to hear no! ”
And you see, you woman, whether you like it or not, knows that many of you can stand it for love!
And see, I know that!
For example, the case where the “former Louvre ballerina (not the museum)” broke a glass ashtray on a DJ's head !!!
His crime? What did he do?
I remember Chicao asking him:
What did you do? - And my teacher in the art of sleepiness answering:
- “That's what I didn't do Chicao”!
The Worst Symptom of HIV is Prejudice
You asked me about the symptoms of HIV. These are the symptoms of a virus. You might be weird, but that's it. See, in Portuguese it would be * Human Immunodeficiency Virus *.
But, come on, try to answer you this RECURRENT question!
Later I will put some other links for you to understand for example the life cycle of HIV.
And put in your little heads that SUS test is Reliable
So you will understand what is HIV infection, which is a kind of disease, a virus, and that AIDS is quite another, a set of symptoms and signs.
Symptoms and signs and the manifestation of opportunistic diseases, where a bloody flu is not accepted! 😤😤
Valley Fever, well, this could be…
Yes Yes! And watch well, you live it with all the features of a virus.
And that is why, in some people, you don't notice anything!
I was HIV carrier I am not sure how long! What I do know is that when the snake smoked it was ugly and yes I thought
I thought I was going to dry up like an abandoned plant in a pot
If we were talking about measles virus we would be talking about a cycle from 7 to 8 maybe 9 days with a lot of malaise and some cares that only mothers know they have to have with their children, and with God's grace a happy ending.
This symptom of HIV the Prejudice, Destroy Psyche!
Almost Annihilated Mine!
In the case of chicken pox, per event, you would be experiencing another type of virus with a relatively flu-like course! And flu is not an opportunistic disease or a defining AIDS picture!
Skin rash can have so many causes that I won't even list many, but look:
- Dry skin in winter
- zoster - If you have chicken pox you may develop zoster
But still different from HIV Why HIV infection is a long-term infection, and it really takes the disastrous effects it can have to achieve, a time of subtle silence!
I could simplify with syphilis, but syphilis is not caused by a virus is by another way of life that I do not know set, keep in mind whenever:
I am not a doctor and so all I can say is based on what I have learned by translating and living.
And, I Know, That's Not Much
Na HIV infection It exists for some people, and I confess that I did not realize the experience of it in me, a phase called the acute phase.
This phase would look like a flu, or any other virus, you would surely be accompanied by some fever, or fever, some body discomfort.
A lazy hell, a desire not to work, not to study, to enter the quantum world and disappear. This I will do someday!
Here's A Fearful Story, A Rape.
This story is part of one. The fact is that it steal peace until today.
And while a social worker said that such a person with such a behavioral model would sooner or later get HIV, I have my doubts with me.
Should I have screamed for help?
Who would believe me? The few people I told this to made a mockery of their hair!
The fact is that at some point in my history I regained some of my DJ status for a few weeks.
It's been almost a year since I had given you another physical contact with a woman and naturally, I was climbing the walls!
There was a girl there with the nickname of India, who broke off because she thought she had to stay with me! What India is not aware of is that I did not feel any attraction for it! I never wanted to be with a person like her, I wasn't my type, I didn't have the “Tchan” that made me freak out….
It was, as it were, her biotype
And there was the HIV thing, I was afraid to tell, and I couldn't do it without telling.
This madman made me, through tips from clients, touch India.
With Paulo Sérgio….
India Your Hair So Long Fallen, Black as Night Without Moonlight
This House had rooms, and this characterized pimp exploitation! And I felt very uncomfortable working there!
I have never enjoyed working in such environments. But At that moment I saw myself with no way out!
The nightclub in question was not in Sao Paulo, but in Greater Sao Paulo! And it took me almost two hours to get home from work and two hours to go to work!
So I talked to the house manager, explaining to her that I was looking for a house to live in that municipality and that it was very difficult to come and go on schedule.
What if she could give me the I use one of those rooms for some time, so-zi-nho!
And she granted me this freedom But said:
I want you to have your bedroom door unlocked, because if I catch you there with a look, I'll get you in the eye right away!
All I Wanted
People of heaven, all I wanted was to start over, and there was a great possibility there! I could not take this risk of losing work. Maybe it was a comeback, I loved what I did!
Not at all, at that point in my life, would I get involved with a woman, especially having just discovered that I had HIV!
And I well knew that I would hardly have a new chance as a DJ It was my last chance!
Even though: Climbing the walls!
Climbing the Walls! I? Yes! Yes is yes! More than a year
Keep in mind that I had not played a woman for almost a year! And she is damned and India took advantage of the situation and entered the room. I was still young, just over 30, and the hormones were in a boiling cauldron!
Quickly she managed to get me "excited" and, forgive me the euphemism, "fit me"! Organic reaction does not indicate consent!
La vérité, toute la vérité
If I said I had HIV she would surely raise screaming Wind Rose to my reality and I would lose the job of!
Was I a Coward? Yes!
Am I pathetic? Yes!
Did I have choices? Yes, I did, but I could not see them!
Yes, I Had Choices! But I did not see them !!!
But I tried! I said stop please put the condom on! And she retorted: you do not have to be in the face you do not have! and I increased:
- “And you can't know just by the face I can have and you don't know if I have it or not!
- "If you have already f *** u everything even!"
It is evident at this point in the conversation that she knew absolutely nothing about HIV and AIDS, but did not care how easy it was to contract or not, thus putting herself at risk, constantly, but these thoughts did not come many years later. after!… (…)…
Time Remember? Yes! In less than 30 seconds later I ejaculated!
And She's gone. A few years later I talked to a therapist, he said that a person who followed this line of reasoning, and who adopted this line of conduct could hardly see HIV or probably even would!
But none of this has comforted me over the years, and it is almost 25 years ago, almost a quarter of a century, and I never knew it again! And the pain that hurts most this, the pain does not know!
I am not sure, but I believe that who wrote this, this sentence was Cecilia Meireles if it was not Cecilia, forgive me the lady, author of this sentence, please make the correction, thanks!
Fortunately it all ends in two to six weeks, doctors and texts say, and I haven't experienced it, and I don't know anyone who has experienced it and I may have observed it closely. I know at least one person also remembers to have lived something like that.
What we have next in the case of HIV infection is an absolutely silent and asymptomatic phase. but do not be fooled by HIV, it is not a virus that "stays hidden".
HIV is always active throughout its life cycle!
The problem is that with each HIV life cycle it produces new copies of itself, which is, if I understood correctly, it is overloading the T + CD4 cell!
The cell of a lymphocyte and many of you will embrace the hemograms believing that by dropping your lymphocytes, often an occasional drop and with incidental the presence of another way of life, another etiological agent, the slight believe you are losing immunity! (...).
Do you know that emoticon that you use to say you are extremely sad?
It is very common for people to tell me:
My lymphocytes are low…. and show countless emoticons that demonstrate that he is terribly depressed! 😔😌😌😞😣😢😰😖
What I realize is that they most fear the worst symptom of HIV.
The prejudice. There are people who look for me, find welcome, hear what they need to hear, are not convinced and, do you know what I hear?
… It's for my wife and daughter! I deserve!
This is the worst symptom of HIV: The prejudice"
Not for me! It's for my wife and daughter. I deserve!
You know, it's like they look at me and say: You deserve what you're going through, you got sick like that because you lived “a promiscuous life”! The other day, at the HC pain clinic, in the first consultation with the anesthesiologist, right after I said that I am a person living with HIV she fired, without weighing the words:
- "How did you get HIV"? Were you very promiscuous?
This is the worst symptom of HIV.
I had to count to 685.254
I needed to learn to have patience not to pull you through the wi-fi network hanged right here! Because it is so much victimism, because that is what it is really about 20 itself, unhappiness, fear, favor, and often prejudice!
CBC Does Not Align Immunological Status and Busy Doctor There in Itaquera Must Go Raising Chickens
You are experiencing about yourself what you or many of you believe to be what people like me should experience!
I know that I got strong with this phrase, but the truth is that polishing a little bit a little less, what you start to experience is the fear of being socially exposed to everything that we people with HIV are occasionally being forced to go through.
It is basic math who is (…) afraid
And well, I know of some exaggeration in all this, because the people who come to me, I believe, wouldn't come to me if they had so much contempt for me!
And I see myself here in an epiphany!
The Initial Idea was to talk about the symptoms, the HIV infection, and the theme appears already outdated in what I believe to be the third page of this text that at this point has no deadline and numbers of pages to finish!
Maria Bethânia she reads a text by Fauzi Arap and I quote here a passage:
I can not say I did not know about HIV! I knew Yes, and I was well aware of that, but I believed it would be like being struck by lightning. And although it looks like this, at the time of diagnosis, it really is not!
Because in my ignorance of my stupid blindness in my disinterest in my own life, total indifference to my life and its quality, based on the belief that I was young and eternal, I had nothing to fear, I just contracted HIV would be immediately have AIDS and die!
I have already spoken about this in another text a text in which I say that I do not think about healing. and I do not really think.
Not for me!
And as I say there, I think about it, for Mara and for you!
And maybe you take me for mad or buck.
But I told this to my previous infectologist, who before she is a doctor is also a great friend, just as I told Maira to my therapist or Dr. Valeria my psychiatrist:
If this cure comes tomorrow, I will not get in line to get it!
Victimism? If you know my story know that the last thing I need is victimhood or messianism!
Life hit me enough so I do not want to get caught! And I think that's why I would not seek this cure!
Six months before my father died, I watched "The Hut."
And this movie gave me enough resources to think about, and to be really wordy, I had no basis to forgive.
There was, in fact, nothing to be forgiven because, just as I say to everyone, and said to me when my hands got ruined, I just type with the indicators or said to the Docs, I had to apply to the maximum. extension to the “law” I learned:
EVERYTHING IS HOW GOD DESIRES
And fortunately, I found the strength to cross the city, here from near the Mandaqui to the Grajau for just and so simply tell him what he needed to hear to pacify me, and at this point I saw the improbable!
He, my father, Sebastião Afonso de Souza, shed a tear !!!
Because looking foolish or not foolish or not, it was life with HIV that led me to this condition of person under reconstruction! Although I have a friend who might make fun of it and tell me how you are getting better Claudio ??? !!!
He knows I'm getting better!
But Look: A person who had to cross hell from time to time and countless times, and managed to rise and know heaven, I made too many mistakes! More than acceptable and, as Gleici said, I will have to struggle with suicidal ideation until the end of my days.
I already knew that and I'm going to treat myself!
But mistakes that were incble to any living creature with my luggage, come to commit. There was a time when I lived in a hotel in front of the nightclub where I worked and I will not mention the name of the hotel because surely Beto Volpe knows and will fuck me!
The owner of the hotel was a Portuguese, whose name escapes me from memory! But I remember being called by him once to talk, and although I can not remember textually what he said, what he did, was give me:
He was very attentive to the way I had been living and drew my attention to the fact that every morning a different girl entered the hotel that passed by the concierge, took my key and waited.
And I can say that I remember some words:
- Claudio! You're throwing your life away, every girl that comes in here to stay with you has a hope! the hope that you wake up and look at it and see in it, the value worthy of giving to every woman:
take it for yourself as wife build family disappear from this street and never come back!
The street was Rua Bento Freitas, Beto the hotel was the domino hotel and the nightclub was Le Masque.
Do you want me to tell the whole truth?
It was, there were rivers of reason in his words, it was lacking in me, my love! Love for me!
It was sex and not love
I did not make love I had sex!
And enlarge goal was her orgasm whoever it was since orgasm was good.
After all, advertising is the soul of the business!
But, I "Up as DJ for the Wagon Plaza at Nestor Pestana".
At some point Ali in the Plaza car I think I get HIV!
I would comment another day with a friend and I will explain it to you!
Nestor Pestana Street
In Nestor Pestana Street there were 5 nightclubs. the most "strong" was the Kilt and the Plaza wagon.
I'm not sure how things worked on the Kilt, but the Wagon Plaza had a clientele that did not call us on the remote:
Be it Tokyo, London, Amsterdam, Paris Hong Kong other cities, every day lifted a plane flight or 2 or 3012 or 30 passengers with Spirit pointed to the following goal:
In the next five days I will close the deals that have to close and next Friday, Saturday, Sunday or Monday I will be in the Plaza car!
And I'll do a show with one of those 400 women!
Can you believe it or not The fact is that I've been with almost all of them and none of them and I say none stammered You have to use a condom"! And the sad truth is that neither me nor this is in the text in which I say I do not want a cure! I did not care either!
And let's say I turned to this friend of mine and looked virtually at her and said,
My dear friend, I do not know when I got HIV, and I will never know! The fact, undeniable, unconsciously unchanged, but this does not serve as an excuse, I acted as a centrifuge, and disastrously I have no notion or ability to measure up to where I spread pain death and dissolution.
And this my friend used that emoticon, the total sadness because he fit very well there, and I do not know where he could or could come I ended up better!
Imense Sadness and Some remorse too 😓😩😫😨
I know that I have gone too far in the final goal of this text and I have no intention of erasing it!
What I promise you honestly. Can you believe that someone like me has honesty?
Is that 21 today is 2019 July are 20: 42!
In a few moments I'm going to use the editing features I have to copy all of that text and paste it into the WordPress editing table.
What will differ from this version that is here for version that you will see will be the correction of the spelling mistakes made by a computer that is listening to a saying! And yet you can make a mistake!
Is it because I then a dyslexic, could not go wrong typing?
In typing mistakes are almost without consequences, the mistakes I made, are existential!
And maybe I have to work 50 more years in this blog, and according to my faith in the spiritual world, for at least the impacts of so much uneasiness of such frivolity and why not tell the whole truth?
I did not know how to love, and sex was just fun
Today I know and I understand sex is something that God gave us so that we would have more joy to live!
And these days about the weight of so much grief, so much pain, so much remorse, so much epiphany, and those who prefer such insight, and I can not use any recourse to rhetoric.
And I believe you must have realized that I am good at it, though not only in rhetoric but also in deeds, all this responsibility is solely and exclusively mine!
I had not had anyone, and God sent me the advice of the owner of that hotel that for a few minutes looked at me as if looking at a son!
And he acted to me in the best way a father acts with his son, and if mine who rests in peace was limited by "n" factors of leniency, I can not use these factors as a defense factor for me, because you may not believe but street educates!
Educate with hardness and with expensive classes!
The more you educate, and if I did not learn, it was because I certainly did not want to pay attention, and sticking the affirmations and a character from a movie, I have no right to look at you and say that at that moment virtue was not convenient.
Everything Is As God Desires, Is Not Father Manolo?
And I promise that I will try to speak only and only about the symptomatology of HIV in the next text!
But I think it has already occurred to you to realize that I can not be changing analyst in which is why I swore swear that I swore I will never change analyst because: Éline helped me a lot!
But it was Maira who allowed me to lead me through the three labyrinths of my consciousness instead of standing here with this room with so many chests with so many portraits and so many portraits filled with so much pain! So much pain, so much pain and pain, yes, much pain!
Not only moral and physical, but also intellectual hard.
If you read the next article, unfortunately nothing has changed!