I think you must be thinking about that person who trusted you and your doctor so much No Lance (…) of the viral blipeWhat a situation! I remember that in my personal drama of those days I said to God, "Lord, if there are two Crosses to be carried, that I load both! I do not know! Speaking the truth, seriously, really, I don't know if I carry two crosses! And I often think that not even one I carry, given the ease with which life with HIV has become! And at the top of the Blog I say that there is life with HIV and that life with HIV is a little easier than before, but that’s not why you should put your stupid face in the middle of all this and get out of there living with HIV !
Yes Yes Yes! There is Life with HIV! But…. I would give almost everything I have (…) to not have HIVI say that to people who already have HIV do not lose hope and I am not lying: I attest, and I stand. Living with HIV there!
AND DAMN EVERYONE!If you can, and it is very easy to do so, avoid getting HIV, even if the expectation with him is better! So, please do the right thing, don't be stupid, use a condom! And be sure. PrEP combines best with the roles of a healthcare professional! When you use a condom in a casual sexual relationship, or not, and you don't appear hypocritical here, you may be saving yourself. Not a death sentence. It's not about this. Or it may even be so, when the person, as stupid as I was one day, preferred to “not know”. This thing, the fear of knowing, is something I will deal with on another occasion. But be sure, preferring not to know is preferring to die, because when you are lucky (...) you find yourself developing a Kaposi's Sarkoma, and doctors will always know what to say and do in these cases. Returning, in this relationship, casual or not, using a condom or condom, you end up doing something like this: I drew, so to speak. But I want to write too. Despite being more and more aware of what I write, yes, but not very well. And, yes, beyond good !!!
When you use a condom you break the transmission chain! And I know a very petty reasoning, which tries to argue with this:
It is not because today you can take one, two or three pills a day, and that I, 25 years ago, had to take 40, that it becomes justifiable for you to take that risk, experiencing the nightmare in order to avoid the nightmare!
I ALREADY HAVE AIDS, DAMN THOSE WHO COME TO ME AND DON'T WANT TO USE. ALREADY FUCKED ME! DAMN EVERYONE
PrEP, Condoms and my “Apparent Mismatch” with viral blipeAm I the Fool? The Misfits?
Let's see!Point to note for now: What if that girl you like doesn't think it's a good idea to date a guy with HIV? I disagree with her thoughts, but I defend until death her right to think and say so! (is from the English writer Evelyn Beatrice Hall) Apart from genders and genders, precepts and precepts, prejudices and prejudices, we always fight for us! Even in prayer: … Pray for US sinners…. But… what if that person you love don't think it's a good idea to be with you, bearing in mind that, liking you, for her, does not count many favorable points when it comes to relating to a person living with HIV!
People still think so! And there are few!I don't think like her. And I already experienced this situation, that of telling later. I told him why the person had decided to declare himself to me and, what until then was a contracted client relationship, with all cautions, became a possible relationship that, in truth, I did not want to establish. I confess. It was a great laboratory, because when she said "I love you"! and I asked her to talk, in less than four minutes she already knew everything and, between perplexed and astonished, when I made her remember well where and how much I protected her, she remembered well, but she was completely misinformed . Good. She said she would have to go out, take a walk and, as in the music of Racionais MC's, m “never came back! Imagine a scenario like this, with my silent and comfortable obedience to I = I until, suddenly, I am no longer Undetectable But ... Ihhhhhhh (...) But I have done several polls and there is a representative% and people with this line of thought.
Polls. No scientific value, but great exhibitorsI even recorded 22% responses to a question: What would you say, or how would you react if, after a while, having had and maintained relationships with a person who, with HIV, only told you that now? Twenty two percent of them said they they would feel betrayed! And I can't find a single honest thought inside of me that can object, beyond any doubt, to their reasons and understandings! And look, she is less than that sad percentage of 33% of people who would refuse to work alongside HIV positive people, yes! Quite simply, thirty-three percent of HIV-negative and interrogative serum people would refuse to work alongside people with HIV! Or, witnessing, "people like that", "with a disease like that"! When she asked me for support for school work, in these terms, I necessarily had to go to her profile and see, better, who and “what” it was about helping a person with a “! Line and thoughts like that” . Come on
- Right-wing militant not knowing what this is
- Favorable to the six-month drug use test
- There is more, but as I, a person with a strong spirit, I felt nauseous I will save you the risk of vomiting, even because it “disappeared” or, as I said, "Mysteriously disappeared", after being unmasked from me to me, like this?
It is a sad thing to wish someone who does not know how to forgive (Renato Russo)
And I was never able to unravel his reasons for this verse. But, at the time, I had mine!You got it? I do not support certain lines of thought and, point number one, I do not try to change your views, not ostensibly. But I do my half dozen procedures there. do they solve? Tell me, because if there is one thing that I learned and have learned a little more each day, it is what people really think, yes! People! Human beings, humanoids I would say, with conscience, reason and feelings! Pleasant or not, if you think about it, you'll see that “It’s not worth it for them”
You see, although I have HIV, I am a person like any other! Neither above nor below many lessonsAnd for the sake of saying everything, I was not always a good person Is it her prejudice? Perhaps! But she doesn't see it that way and think of you inside a glass maze. There was one of these in the Play Center, the one that closed. I heard it would reopen! But I don't know anything about it! My interest in amusement parks was zero. Well then. I was lost there for about 5 minutes, nothing solved my problem and the cost of my suffering started with a punch in the glass. In fact, a punch in the void, because there was nothing there to be hit. When, on that dismal afternoon, I saw the confirmation test corroborating the previous one, I felt like this:
Powerless, defeated, hopeless, with a fear never lived before, I was again inside the glass mazeDisoriented, I turned to one side, which doesn't even matter anymore, tried to take a step and found my face in the glass. I hit back! If the glass felt the blow, it didn't show, my hand was in tatters. Powerless, incapacitated and defeated, I see myself now, much like the moment I found myself HIV positive. I broke down inside. Think of a castle, 1250 rooms, ten floors, bombs, kitchens and imagine the outside walls there, very strong and inside, everything collapsing. That's how I got freaked out I screamed, kicked and cried.
Then I sat there. There was nothing I could doThey had already noticed my despair and an employee, cowardly educated about the secrets of the groundhog, took me out. Think like that. Getting HIV, living with AIDS is a lot like this glass maze. In some places, just mirrors. Want to see a bid? A difficult thing to face, look at this, right-click, send it to another tab or tab. Take a walk over there and then come here and tell me it's worth the risk. Check it out:
You can click and move around at will! There are about twenty pages within THIS LINK BELOW
Going back to PrEP and viral blipe I ask:A little more about that: what if you want to have a son or daughter, by the "conventional" way? As much as I look at this, PreP, which is nothing more than a different acronym for ART, antiretroviral therapy I ask, like my Aunt Geny?
People say it is safe that there are almost no risks. But did you notice that I put a “almost” there are no risks? It is another line in which the almost, sometimes, does not leave.
And what does Maria take?The eternal question….
Yeah, the almost, the ill-fated almostFor old Souza, Almost was, shall we say, almost an entity. And an entity with multi-astronomical powers, capable of determining destinations !!! Looking good…. Returning to the theme, When there is almost, there is uncertainty. E where there is uncertainty…. I remembered here, the first paragraph of a book: "Ninja". The text begins like this:
In the darkness, there is death.
I felt such a chill that I gave up on reading!That is life with HIV a great uncertainty less than 10 M from me is Mara watching TV! In fact she has already fallen asleep and, shortly, around 17:15, I will wake her up! Who can guarantee me that in 5 minutes she will not have any discomfort in some way, related to HIV, or not, and all our plans, our dreams, desires, aspirations, hopes will still be there, already unrealizable.
YES is true: There is life with HIV! But it's very worth avoiding it and the best way is to use a condomSpeaking clearly, what you do with PrEP is to fill ** these guys with money for no good reason. Depending on them, 7 billion people should take two pills a day, at a modest $ 1,00 each, $ 2,00 a day, multiplied by seven billion!
For a Fistful of DollarsI love Italian Bang-Bang! The sound of the bullets bouncing off, those filthy guys, without taking a shower for 18 months, with two revolvers on their hips, each of these weapons capable of firing indefinitely. I believe I counted about 30 shots of a single character without a single stop to reload the weapons, with inexhaustible ammunition !!! A huge AUÊ! An amount of fourteen billion dollars a day. Do you want to make one more container? Do it right there, because I got tired of it, because it was the Italian bang bang that gave me this epiphany! But, THINK WITH ME. Follow me! It is much wiser, it is much wiser, it is much more consistent, to use a condom! I have a video tape here, which I need to restore, which records my first devastating and humiliating moral blow, in this fight in which I barely knew anything. I was about to be a poster boy for the book Stories of Courage, totally unprepared for what I was going to do and, in my first statement, I made it clear, very clear, in a totally radiant white that was simply impossible, that I couldn't insure was uncontrollable. stop the sex to put the condom on.
Drª Vera Paiva from NEPAIDSDr. Vera Paiva, from NEPAIDS, is one of the most respectable health professionals working, fighting, not always winning, but writing the story of her life, of her struggle, as a health professional, in the fight against AIDS! When I finished my speech, stupid, say it in passing, she looked at the camera, looked at me and made me a bad example. Humiliation in the public square! She said:
- "It is exactly this line of thought that we need to remove from the minds of our young people"!Have you ever seen a dried tomato? I think so. What you didn't see was the tomato drying processing in real time, losing drop by drop of water at 50.000 frames per second! Well, it was like this, like this, that I was trafficked for the first time!
Accept this short text as a thank you. You were one of the first people to put, in my mind, the notion of responsibility that I took for myself when I registered, at Brasnic, the domain “soropositivo.org”. And I thank you publicly for that. Going back to the damn PrEP and the condom, I have to echo Drª Vera Paiva! It is practically possible to convince a girl, a 15 year old child (IT'S A CHILD YES! AND WHAT'S WORSE, IT'S A CHILD WHO MAKES A CHILD, DEVILS), to use a condom every time. Because from relationship to relationship, a child with an erectile device and a child with a device with receptacle and incubator properties start to “think” and, enthusiastically speaking, after eight weeks, A and B begin to see each other as nice, cool people, ”THAT DOESN'T HAVE IT”, let down their guard and stop, silently and tacitly with the use of condoms and, hey, who sees face don't see AIDS"!
Dr Vera, no complaints. The lady was right, she still is and always will be.
Sinister habits on my part I already have AIDSI tell. For being a DJ and living with the need to count the musical times, the damn BPM and bars. On the other hand, maybe because I was a homeless person twice, I feel a greater empathy for those who are in pain and it is not uncommon for me to approach a person with the aim and at least understand how he got there. This does not always give good results and if I am not beaten in a public square, it certainly is out of pity, as I am not even able to defend myself effectively. The other day I saw a girl, one of these children who make children. She actually approached me and asked me to buy her a sandwich. I asked: Where are you going to eat? Here, she said. - I ordered the sandwich and asked her name, she said one, it doesn't matter, because it could be fake and I amended it. - “How many months are you”? - "Well, it could be worse, you could have contracted HIV"! And she amended, without hesitation!
I already have AIDS.Damn you imbecile! Another excellent occasion to remain in lost silence! I wanted the planet to open up and swallow me up in that unhappy moment. Why, with six hundred thousand devils, did I have to open my mouth? I paid the bill, asked if I could do anything more for her, she amended. Two kings I can buy a stone. I thought for a few moments and thought about my own daughter, lost in the crack, I looked at the girl with no name and no hope and said: THAT, I can't do it against you, I'm sorry. And I walked away, full belly, I lied empty, operating on autopilot. Not long ago I had a viral flu! My viral load came 41.
It could have come 41000 or it could be yours with 410.000!Let’s say I was a free person, that I wasn’t married to anyone and was having a colorful dating relationship with a person who believes that undetectability equals non-transferability, what face would I look at now and say “darling I need you to have an HIV test ”
As well? she would say. You were not non-transferable, what happened anyway?At the time of nerves I would have to explain to her, no baby I was not non-transferable I was undetectable and undetectable is not non-transferable!
Something Has OccurredSomething happened, I had a viral flu, I don't know !!!!!!! All I know is that, at the time of testing, it was 41.000! Like this:
I am afraid to say it, but not to say it would be irresponsible (...). In that time frame, about which we have no idea how long it really was, we didn't know that I didn't have an undetectable charge and now you may have contracted HIV. You know that face that always looked at you with love, affection, admiration, passion, not just for you, but for the way you fight for life, something so beautiful that it awakens the desire in it. The desire to be with you. In less than 5 minutes (as I am an optimist) admiration and respect transformed into fury, fear and anger? Won't she see you as a sordid / sordid? The condom solves this very well and, if it breaks, in 99% of cases, it will have been due to misuse and not carelessness and intemperance! I see in the audience the one who raises his hand and I already know the question. Yes, I had sex without a condom! And it was with so many women that you would not just believe and, yes, it gave the logic: I contracted HIV.
“Huston! We have a problem ”!
After that, even if late, I always use a condom with Mara.As there is no one else. The circle is protected. Before deciding to live with Mara, I made a bullshit, but this, to transmit HIV to someone, consciously, I did not. Anger yes because you were the one who double-cheated! You initially told her you were on stable treatment, and your viral load has been undetectable for more than six months. In practice, this means that, at most, in two tests, in up to approximately 159 and, a greater number of viruses than the detectable one cannot be found. In Brazil, this limit is less than 41, but this thing is much more complicated. Well, my history shows that I had two meningitis. The attentive doctors like those at the Casa da AIDS, properly executed and extinguished in the waltz danced by Alckmin and Dória, today we have SEAP, did not take any further steps and I had to look for a neurological clinic that asked for some tests that I will explain below. Right after the second meningitis I went to the clinic already mentioned, because of my health insurance and he asked for the obvious, the viral load of cerebrospinal CSF, blood serum and sperm. The results?:
- Undetectable in blood serum
- In the cerebrospinal fluid the count was so high that just thinking about it makes me freeze the bone marrow
- And there was a good group of sperm. And it was a group capable, capable, indeed, of contaminating a woman.
AA Female VulnerabilityNote, women are ten times more vulnerable to HIV infection and I speak here of heterosexual relationships, as there are a good number of people taking care of everything else. And you were, so to speak, engaging in a de-stigmatized, free and responsible sexuality, because, as booklet A, booklet B and letter C says, you could live like that and the girl, quoting Marisa… .. And what we don't do for love, right?? I tell you what you do for love: Undetectable or not, you use a condom, because there is still an endless list of things you should pay attention to in the name of your own navel! And look, for the next thirty days this girl will lose nights of sleep waiting for the immune window, because there is nothing you can tell her that is reliable!
After all…. You “were” undetectable and therefore non-transferable.And now, right now, all that's left for her is to count the minutes to the end of the immune window. What a beautiful piece of shit you did, right? Parts of these texts are my lessons based on everything I learn slowly, rereading, translating and revising texts from Aidsmap , The Body, POZ and more.
But a lot of that is based on what I learned from life, giving me beatings and, at other times, showing me the consequences of other people's mistakes. Do not be deceived. PrEP is not the best option